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Ama Delevett was just 44 years old when she passed away yesterday morning. As we all mourn her passing, you may be grappling with some questions. How did this happen? How did it happen to someone so young, healthy, and full of life? How is it possible that it all happened so quickly? Was Ama in pain? Did she pass in peace?

While some questions may forever be left unanswered, here are some answers to the questions above. May they help you find peace as we mourn Ama's passing and celebrate her beautiful soul and cherish her precious life.

How did this happen?

Last Saturday, October 24th, Ama wrote out a timeline (shown above) of events starting on September 20th and leading to her final prognosis just a month later on October 21st. This is what Ama wrote in the attached photos above:

I was feeling great - old lady a bit huffing.& puffing a bit up stairs... but that's normal?

Sept 20 - went on a 25 mile bike ride to Manresa. Was planning on doing a 100 mile challenge in Oct and bike to Lewis' house and back in Dec (author's note: Lewis lives an hour away by car in the mountains between Santa Cruz & San Jose) and Marin 200 mile loop for Christmas.

Sept 25 on zoom calls all day – back cramps, felt like labor, strong belly cramps… turns out that was stenosis of the cervix.

Sept 28 went to planned parenthood – they did procedure for stenosis. They thought the pain would go away – biopsy of endometriosis (author’s note (from Mayo Clinic): s an often painful disorder in which tissue similar to the tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus.)

Early on, ibuprofen worked for six hours (author’s note: I assume Ama meant, to control her pain)

At some point, every time I coughed, blood poured out. I began to think it was related.

Oct 2 – Chiro took xray of lungs – “Go see someone”

Oct 8 – Call came that bioposy was cancer!

Oct 12 – Insurance kicked in

Oct 13 – Respiratory clinic:

- no COVID but extremely low oxygen levels; her reading was 92 (normal 298)

- extremely high white blood cell count (indicating body is eliciting an immune response to fight something); her reading was 16 (normal range 4=12)

- High calcium count (often a side-effect of people with cancer)

- Xray taken

- Blood drawn

- 02

- 3 CT scans: found tumor in uterus (tiny), doctor said this would NOT be causing pain and blood

- EKG

Oct 18 PET scan – no bone cancer

Oct 20 Got some meds and right to come HOME (underlined twice, bold, happy face, hearts)

Oct 21 Met with doctor (oncologist). Nacho was there, Chris by Skype. Doctor showed Ct scan of healthy normal lung and Ama’s CT scan of her lungs – more cancer mass than lungs. Prognosis was 4-10 days left.

No way to treat this…

No biking, dancing, hiking…

Put on hospice

How did it happen to someone so young, healthy, and full of life?

Even doctors were surprised by how ugly and aggressive Ama's cancer was. Her full diagnosis (i.e. what kind of cancer she had, whether the cancer in her uterus was related to the one in her lungs, etc. are still unknown; for more information, see earlier post about Ama's prognosis). In examining the cancer in Ama's lung, one doctor asked her if she used to work in a mine or some toxic hazardous site because the cancer in her lungs was so rare, ugly, and aggressive.

How is it possible that it all happened so quickly?

For me, one of the hardest things for me to grapple with was the prognosis that Ama had a matter of days, weeks left. It seems like it was even a surprise for doctors. On Saturday, Oct 24th, Ama sent me a message early in the morning saying that she felt her body had 4-7 days left. It was so hard for me to believe, and even harder for me to accept the possible truth that Ama was going to pass so quickly. I live in Oregon, and had originally planned to arrive in Santa Cruz on Weds, Oct 28th. I was planning to be with Ama for the long haul, thinking it may be weeks, maybe months, and at 7 months pregnant, I had about one month in which I could still travel to be with her. But when I received Ama's message, I packed my bags, hopped in my car and drove straight to Santa Cruz. I arrived to Santa Cruz on Sunday, Oct 25th just in time for her aWake ceremony.

From Mon to Tues, already we could see a marked decline in her energy, yet in-between visits from friends and family, she spent these few days and the last reserves of her energy wrapping up work ends and other lingering paperwork. On Weds evening, her hospice nurse warned that given the sharp decline in Ama's health from Mon to Weds that she anticipated Ama had just a couple days left. We then cleared her visitation schedule to allow her time to rest, and for Nacho and her family to be with her. By Thurs night, Nacho, who had been her sole caretaker throughout the evening, relented to overnight help. We took turns helping to care for Ama through the night. When I left her Friday morning at 7am, she was still able to move and talk. But when I returned around noon, she was now laying down and unable to move by herself, and could no longer speak. Friday evening, the hospice nurse told us the end was near. Nacho, Helga, and Nacho's sister (a professional caretaker) cared for her overnight. Then Friday morning, around 930a, surrounded by loved ones, Ama took her last breath, and passed peacefully on.

Was Ama in pain? Did she pass in peace?

Even before her final prognosis, Ama was already ready and prepared for the journey ahead of her. She said, even early on in the diagnosis process, that she has lived a full happy life and would be ready to go if it was her time. When she met with her oncologist and he told her that her cancer was terminal, that it had no cure, and that she had a matter of days or weeks left, she did not shed a tear, she handled the news with ultimate grace, without any hesitation, caring more for the impact of this news for Nacho than herself. Ama led the aWake ceremony on Sunday, Oct 25th, to help us through the pain of this journey. She helped us to face death together, and she walked forward with strength and beauty, til the end.

Undoubtedly, this was a very hard, labored, and painful journey for Ama. But hospice did the best to help manage her pain but she was also carried and comforted by Nacho, her family, and all of you through your love and support. Throughout the week, many people that Ama loved and that loved Ama helped her through this week. She was cared for by an amazing team of friends and family... among these, Ama's loving husband, Nacho, her friend/roommate, Kat, her mother and brother, and other family and close friends. Others in Ama's loving community dropped off food for Ama and her care team. Kat and Alaia (friend/former housemate) organized a visitation schedule for friends to come visit Ama. She also spent some time with friends and family, and Nacho, ever-loving, never left her side. On Tues, Ama's mother, Helga, arrived after some major haul with paperwork (thank you Maria!) to provide exemption for her travel to the US from Germany. Over these next days, Helga was ever vigilant by Ama's side, helping to care for her. Ama's brother, Lexie, open-hearted and as amazing as Ama, worked tirelessly in the background, helping with a load of paperwork and logistics. Christine Price, Ama's power of attorney for medical, was also a tireless and ever compassionate backbone, helping to serve as a conduit between Ama and hospice, and her team of caretakers. Other friends came to care for Ama, providing her comforting foot massages that she said was "better than morphine." Friends came and sang to her. Marlon and Lorenia guided her spirit through the journey. A mariachi band serenaded her from below Las Ondas. A small choir sang for her. She was surrounded by love from texts, video, messages from those who could not be with her.

Her mother, Helga, shared a story with us about how she came upon Ama's name. She had heard a story about a man who received so much love in his life but could not return it. He died alone and sad. She did not want that for her daughter. So she named her Ama - an active conjugation of love in latin (and Spanish). And oh, how Ama loved in her life, she was all love, pure of heart, loving was her super power. Thank you for your love, Ama... we will always love you.